


Whiskey Lullaby

by ironniek



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drama, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1704314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironniek/pseuds/ironniek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>''The angels sang a Whiskey Lullaby'' Warning; Character death, and suicide, as well as alcoholism.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> hiya, yeah another fic with the name Whiskey Lullaby but this time it's a frostiron one. I had to change the she in the song to him i hope you don't mind.  
> I should warn you for character deaths and alcohol use  
> (Also, this fic is dedicated to Agnes aka twitter user wintahsoldier bc she won a little contest and i would write a fic for that person)

‘’What is wrong with daddy’’ Kai used to ask everyday as he saw one of his fathers be swallowed in a great black hole. The 8-year-old boy didn’t really understand but in another way he did. Loki never dared to answer his son, the guilt he was feeling was too much. He didn’t want his son to hate him also. He didn’t want to lose his whole family. When people said they would be together for eternity they were wrong. Of course they were wrong because he screwed up.

 

_He put him out,_

_Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette._

_He broke his heart,_

_He spent his whole life trying to forget._

_We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time,_

_But he never could get drunk enough to get him off his mind,_

_Until the night..._

 

It all started when Tony came home to find Loki in bed with a stranger. He hadn’t been gone for long, he brought their son Kai to school and went to work for a few hours. The moment Tony opened their bedroom door and saw them he was already gone again. Loki ran after him but there was no hope, he was already in one of his cars again and driving off.

He drove to their special place, not sure why he did but his mind just went on auto pilot. This was where Tony asked Loki to marry him, to be his forever. To be his one and done and start a family. He thought it would all work, but oh was he wrong.

He could have expected this, Loki would find him boring eventually anyway. He never thought it would be so soon already. He was already proud he could keep a relationship for more than 8 years.

Tony arrived on his destination, a big field with in the middle a small willow tree which would soon grow bigger. He dropped on his knees near the willow tree, and then on his back. How would he ever fix this even though it wasn’t his to fix. How would he get this right. He wanted to leave, but he could not leave his son behind. He wanted to stay but how could he ever look at Loki again without thinking about what he just saw.

How could he ever feel happy near Loki again. He got up again deciding to drive home and locking himself in his workshop where, he knows, a bottle of alcohol would welcome him more happily than Loki would.

 

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,_

_And finally drank away his memory._

_Life is short, but this time it was bigger_

_Than the strength he had to get up off his knees._

Days passed by, weeks, months and eventually years. Tony would put up his guard in front of his son, he would not let Kai know he was this weak. He still lived together in one house with Loki because he was convinced Kai needed both his fathers. They lived past each other, Loki still trying to fix this but Tony not really accepting anything Loki would try. Maybe a bit selfish but he was just protecting himself. He never left the house and hardly slept. He ate enough to stay alive and never went out as Iron Man because they would not let him. He screwed up.

Shield would come by to check on him, mostly on how he looked and the state he was in. Most of the time they would find him drunk or they would find him passed out in his workshop. Tony tried to be sober in front of his son but usually that didn’t work also.

Loki  would pick Kai up at school, daily routine, and every day the boy would ask what’s wrong with his other father. And every day Loki would not answer that question. Luckily the kid was clever enough to not ask more questions about it.

Happy would come to visit Tony once in a while, trying to get him to go out of the house. Into the world again but he never had much luck. One night he came by and of course on that one night Tony had one of his worst moments.

‘’Tony, I miss how things used to be.’’ Happy complained as he walked through the work shop trying to clean up the empty bottles. The engineer was lying on one of his couches ‘’Please stop complaining and just leave me alone’’ he groaned back at him, not even looking up.

‘’You’re being childish again, it’s been 3 years Tony why don’t you just get over it.’’ Happy turned around, not his greatest plan because seconds later a bottle was smashed on the ground near his feet. ‘’The hell with that’’ and Tony was standing right in front of him ‘’You can’t tell me what to do after what you did to me.’’ He said and Happy looked a little guilty.

‘’Now last warning, leave’’ Tony spoke and he looked furious, Happy turned and leave because this is what he deserved anyway. Although he could better have stayed because things would happen after this he would never forgive himself.

 

_We found him with his face down in the pillow,_

_With a note that said, 'I'll love him 'til I die'._

_And when we buried him beneath the willow,_

_The angels sang a Whiskey Lullaby._

 

Happy knew he should not have left him alone that day. He always tried but it never worked and he always ended up leaving Tony alone again. This time it had an aching feeling, like somebody tried to tell him something but he could not figure out what it was.

Things seemed to get better, but it wasn’t true actually. Loki looked better but he was using a spell, Kai was convinced his dad was getting better but no one heard from Tony the next week after he got that angry at Happy. But things actually went further downhill after that one day, Tony gave up hope completely.

The noise coming out of the workshop that night was horrible, things were crashing and even some small explosions. Loki told Kai his father was building something again and that he should go back to sleep. Loki went to check on him that night, he would never do that. When he reached the glass window he saw Tony lying face down on the couch, he didn’t try to put in de code and just went straight through the window. Not caring about the wounds it would cause. He was already too late, Tony his pulse was gone and he was completely cold. He turned him around on the couch and saw the arc reactor gone. He almost laughed at the way he choose to leave this planet. Thinking back to their wedding vows. ‘’I would rather rip out my heart than live without you’’ Tony had put in his. And he did, he did rip out his heart.

Loki couldn’t cry yet, his eyes stayed completely dry as he looked at Tony’s cold, lifeless face. His eyes caught a piece of paper in the engineer his hand, nicely folded with Loki his name on it.

 

_My dear Loki,_

_I am sorry you had to see me like this. And by that I mean in what state I am now and was the past year. I am sorry I had to leave Kai behind but I could not bear this any longer._

_I still loved you, I always loved you but I could not get the image of you and another person in bed. I tried so hard and hoped alcohol would help me. And of course it didn’t._

_This also means I won’t ever look at your beautiful face again, I won’t ever get to kiss you again and I’m sorry. You were supposed to be my always._

_I am so truly sorry. Remember that I will always love you, tell Kai I will see him again when he is much, much older. And I hope, I will see you also. I hope I will get that spot in heaven and you get to have the other, beside me. I’m sure you still deserve that spot, you will always deserve it._

_I hope I will see you in the afterlife my dear Loki. My precious god, have a good life._

_TS_

 

The tears still didn’t show, it seemed almost insulting that he wasn’t mourning him but there would be time for that later. Loki sat down beside the couch, next to Tony his face and started to trace his fingertips over the cold skin on his face with one hand. In the other he still held the letter Tony wrote to him and hold on to it tightly. After what seemed like hours the tears finally came and he had to put away the piece of paper, afraid his tears might ruin it. And Loki, for the first time since the accident, broke down. He screamed and he cried. He punched things and screamed harder. It was a good thing Kai came downstairs after Loki broke down because when the boy entered the workshop his father was sitting at the body of his other father.

‘’Daddy is not asleep right?’’ the boy asked carefully but brave, Loki turned his head to look at his son. ‘’No.. he won’t wake up ever again’’ and told the boy to come closer. Kai walked slowly towards his father and hugged him tightly ‘’it’s ok father, daddy is in a better place now’’ Loki was amazed by the state the boy was in, 11 years old and so very clever. Was Tony really in a better place now?

The day they held the memorial service for Tony was one filled with tears and kind words. When they reached the cemetery it was raining again and Loki could not help but find it slightly amusing that even mother nature seemed to be mourning the loss of the man. He decided that Tony would be buried on earth instead of an Asgardian funeral. He wanted that Kai would be able to visit his father’s grave.

The spot they choose for Tony was incredibly beautiful, it was under a large willow tree. It looked like the one that stands on their special place.

Loki kept silent throughout the whole service and could not shed a tear, he could only hold his son close. When it ended and everyone got home Loki stayed, the rain started to pour harder down and now the tears came again. He fell down on his knees before the gravestone and screamed until he had no voice left.

He stopped screaming and glanced at the willow tree, drops falling down from the leaves and it seemed like it was crying. He stood up and took a last glance at the gravestone, he then turned away and teleported home where he knew a bottle of vodka was waiting for him.

 

_The rumors flew,_

_but nobody knew how much he blamed himself._

_For years and years,_

_he tried to hide the whiskey on his breath._

_He finally drank his pain away a little at a time,_

_But he never could get drunk enough to get him off his mind,_

_Until the night .._

Kai, as young as he was, felt his heart breaking as he was forced to watch his other father fall into a downward spiral. Loki only left the house to see that his son would arrive at school safely, slept next to never and rarely ate. He became even thinner than he already was and all good left inside him seemed to fade. Only his son mattered, Kai kept him good.

He now owned the arc reactor that was placed in Tony his chest and always kept it close. He wore Tony his wedding ring on a chain around his neck. The letter Tony wrote him he kept safe in a small box next to his bed. He never read it again but it was too precious to throw away. He did not dare to keep it with him, afraid he would lose it or it would get ruined.

It seemed like he would drink several bottles per day but that was only an illusion. Oh yes he drank a lot of alcohol but only when the pain was too bad, only when he didn’t want to think. The rest of the time he didn’t because he always thought he deserved to feel the hurt he is feeling now. That he deserved to feel miserable because he screwed up. He would also never drink in front of Kai, just like Tony did. Although Kai knew what his father was doing he didn’t want to show him his bad sides. Things could get messy when he drank too much and he would lock himself in the workshop that was still there.  The wounds he got when he ran through the window to reach Tony never really healed, he considered that also as a reminder of how he screwed up.

‘’Your father was a hero, my knight in red and gold shining armour’’ He told Kai on one of his better nights. That night he told him stories about Tony and he almost seemed like his old self. But just as it always was and will be, those were mostly illusions projected by his magic.

 

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger_

_And finally drank away his memory_

_Life is short but this time it was bigger_

_Than the strength he had to get up off his knees_

_We found him with his face down in the pillow_

_Clinging to his picture for dear life_

Thor was the one to find him, to find his little brother he so deeply cared about lying dead on his bed. He lay on his back and had a picture of Tony clutched to his chest. The cause of death was almost the same as Tony’s, there were wounds all over his chest he had caused himself and a bullet wound where his heart is.

Thor could not help to be a little angry about this, he never got to say goodbye to his little brother. Just like Tony left a message, Loki did not. How would he ever tell Kai this and just as he thought about that the boy enters the room. He walked over to the bed and sat down beside his father’s body. His hand moved to Loki his head and Thor could not say a word. Kai’s hand lay there a few seconds and the boy smiled. ‘’He is safe uncle, he’s sorry he didn’t say goodbye to you but he’s safe now.’’ The boy walked over to Thor and hugged him. Thor was amazed by the little boy, how could he stay this calm.

Thor had to inform Odin and Frigga about this, Frigga was heartbroken and even Odin mourned him. They decided Kai would come to Asgard together with Odin and Frigga. Loki would be buried on earth next to Tony because that is what he would have wanted.

 

_We laid him next to him beneath the willow  
_

_While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

 

The rain fell softly around the funeral scene. Kai almost laughed at the similarities between this funeral scene and the one they held for Tony. He stood, together with Frigga, staring at the two headstones that were appropriately placed directly beside each other. The headstones matched perfectly and just as he did with Tony his headstone, Kai choose Loki his headstone.

Some movement out the corner of his eyes caused him to look away from the headstones. A person stepped from behind the willow tree and he recognized Tony in it. Of course it wasn’t real and the boy surely knew that. Tony smiled proudly at his son and leaned against the tree. Another figure stepped from behind it and it was his other father. Tony took Loki his hand, kissed his jaw lightly and smiled at him again. Some tears rolled out of Kai his eyes and he could hear Loki say ‘’Don’t cry my angel, we love you’’

He whispered a goodbye at them and they both waved at him before walking away together. He could feel Frigga her arm around himself and pull him into a hug. ‘’They are not with you but they are together, and you will see them again my dear boy’’ Frigga said softly.

And Kai decided he could have peace with that.


End file.
